The different experiences I had and the choices I made throughout my life has made me who I am today. I was shaped by various aspects such as what school I went to, what kind of friends I made, what kind of books I read and even what kind of food I ate. However, one of the biggest experiences that has changed me was backpacking through Europe. I had a chance to travel around Europe by myself for a month two years ago when I was 21. During that time, I had learnt that it is okay not to have plans.
I was going to Goettingen, Germany for a semester for a language course programme and I went there about 5 weeks before the beginning of the semester to spend that time travelling. My plan was to find a Wohngemeinschaft, a flat share of Germany also known as WG, within a week and then to go on my trip. However, I did not know that WG was always in short supply and how difficult it was to find one. It had almost been a week, but I still had no good news regarding the WG. I was very stressed because I had already bought the tickets and booked the hostels for my trip. Yet, I could not leave until I have a place to live when I come back to Goettingen. I was frustrated because it did not go according to my plan. Then something unexpected happened. The owner of the hostel suggested that I get a WG from the hostel. He told me that he is renovating a building next door to open a WG style hostel where 4 bedrooms share one kitchen and 2 bathrooms. He offered to rent the only single room for a very reasonable cost.
Hi Bittna,
ReplyDeleteWhile we don’t hear much from you in class, it’s good that you can communicate this way. I enjoyed your story about the unplanned good thing in Germany.
At the start, you began to introduce it in general terms, which is a good strategy, when you mentioned the choices you made throughout your life and talked about backpacking as being one of the biggest experiences that changed you.
So the setup was strong and we were waiting to hear about a major change in the way you lived or perceived your life.
When it came to the end with the part about getting your housing figured out on your trip, it didn’t seem like as major a lifestyle effect as we were expecting.
It might be better to expand on the idea a bit more, give us another example or two of times when your plans didn’t work out, but things magically came together in an unplanned way to turn out perfect.
The one incident didn’t quite seem strong enough to fit with your intro.
Your language and grammar are strong, though there are a couple minor glitches. More details always help.
Thanks!
JBH